Many of us venture into freelancing because of the promise of freedom.
We can make our own schedules, decide who we want to work with and what projects we take on. We’re in control of our earning potential, our business and our lives.
While these things seem attractive no matter who you are, they become all the more attractive when you have a family.
I mean it sounds great, right? Stay at home with the kids, be there to greet them when they get home from school, maybe even get some housecleaning done in between projects.
That’s exactly what I thought when my daughter was born.
Only it didn’t work out quite like I’d fantasized…
My Story
I’d been writing on the side for years; just for fun and a bit of extra pocket money. But after I had my daughter in 2011, I knew I needed (okay, okay; wanted desperately) to be at home with her. So I decided to leave work behind and become a full-time freelance writer.
To learn the ropes, I began following pros like Linda Formichelli, Carol Tice and Mridu Khullar Relph.
They were rocking it in every sense of the word as bloggers, freelancers and mamas. Watching them made doing it all seem not only possible, but effortless!
However, experience quickly taught me that nap times (if they happen all), early mornings (we’re talking before-the-crack-of-dawn here) and the free hour I had before my own bedtime were not enough to build the freelance writing empire I had envisioned.
I was working weekends and pulling all-nighters to keep up with what little work I had coming in. The house was a mess, meals were limited to ready-made and take out, and the television had gone from entertainment device to flat-screen babysitter. Yet I struggled to find time to market my freelance business.
Worst of all? I wasn’t spending more time with my husband and kid – I was spending less.
I was miserable.
I couldn’t understand it – all these women had been able to build successful writing careers while being stay at home moms. Why couldn’t I do the same?
Giving up was sounding more and more attractive.
Was I not as good a writer as I thought? Did I just not want it badly enough? Or was there something more?
Whatever the reason, I was determined not to go back to being an employee. If I wanted to make this freelancing thing work, I was going to need help.
I needed a mentor to help me get my head screwed on right and get back on track.
So, in a moment of desperation, I sent an email to Carol Tice, telling her about my problem. Instead of signing me up and taking my money, she leveled with me: “Are you seriously trying to do all this by yourself?”
I didn’t need mentoring, she told me. I needed to come to grips with reality.
The Myth of the Super-Mom
Did you know that Carol’s workday ends when her kids get home from school? That’s because she knows that once they walk in the door, it’ll be impossible for her to get anything significant done. So she takes on the big projects while they’re at school and saves the quick, easy stuff for after school hours.
Linda Formichelli and her husband both work from home, so they’re able to split child duty. On top of that, Linda’s mother takes their son once a week so they both have some uninterrupted work time.
Mridu Khullar Relph also has a work-from-home-hubby to share childcare responsibility, and nearby friends and relatives are on hand to help when needed.
So, while these ladies are moms and successful entrepreneurs, it’s not in the impeccably-dressed, always got something baking in the oven, PTA super-star, spotless-house, always on hand for the kids, sweater-knitting, business-running standard I was trying to hold myself to.
The reality is that being a parent is already a full-time job. By trying to run a successful freelance business, raise a child, keep a house and make time for myself, I was only setting myself up for failure.
After my wake-up call from Carol, I knew it was time to stop trying to be Super-Mom and be realistic. It was time for me to…
Take Control (Read: Get Help)
My first step was a heart-to-heart with my husband.
Since he works outside the home, we would need to rely on some form of daycare and, at that point, he was the only one bringing in the money to cover those costs.
Not only was he completely on board, he also offered to take our daughter one day each weekend so I’d have a full day to work.
Once that was settled, I found a sitter to watch my daughter two days a week in our home while I worked upstairs in our attic/home office.
But I didn’t stop there. I had a long talk with my writing buddy (also a mom) in which we brainstormed how to be more productive with kids in tow. At the time, I was a member of Carol’s Freelance Writers Den, where I took advantage of the community aspect by polling other members for additional tips and suggestions.
After putting everything in practice, my productivity shot through the roof. I was able to complete my assignments and continue to market myself. Despite not starting until May, taking vacation time and working 15 hours a week or less, I made $14,000 that year. And best of all, I had more time to be mom and wife. While I could still use some more “me time,” it’s been amazing what I’ve accomplished since realizing that I’m only human.
So if you’re a freelance parent struggling with the Super-Mom or Super-Dad complex, here’s a round-up of the tips I gathered from Carol, Linda and other freelance parents:
Tips for Working at Home with Kids
- Find a childcare provider. This could be daycare, a sitter, or a friend or family member. If money is tight, Linda recommends finding other work-from-home parents and see if you can do an exchange where one parent looks after all the kids while the other(s) works. Then switch.
- Save what Carol calls the “heavy lifting” for during school or nap times. Work on your larger, more concentration-consuming tasks while the kids are out (literally and figuratively), and the lighter work for when they’re around and awake.
- Be an early riser or a night owl (or both). Getting up earlier or staying up later than the rest of your family will give you some uninterrupted work time.
- Teach your child to play independently. Mridu taught her son to work on his own projects quietly during her working hours. Whether it’s puzzles, coloring, or playing with toys, he’s got his own assignments to complete while she writes. If all else fails, set your child up with a fun app or pop in a movie.
- Keep a realistic to-do list. Let’s face it, as a stay-at-home parent, it’s not likely that you’ll cross off pages and pages of tasks in one day. A list of 3-5 items is more realistic.
- Start a what-I-did-do list. Sometimes we get frustrated if we don’t complete everything on our to-do list. But just because you didn’t cross everything off doesn’t mean you didn’t accomplish anything. What about all the things you did do that weren’t on your list? Try making a list of those items to look back on when the day is through. You may be surprised at how productive you were.
- Change location. Work outside, in another room, or hit up a coffee shop, library, or office space. A change of scene may be all you need to increase your productivity. Even moving from the dining room table to the couch can shake things up in a pinch.
- Do all your internet research in one go and disconnect before you write. The internet is a huge time suck. This trick will keep you from wasting what precious time you do have surfing the net, scrolling Twitter, clicking around on Facebook, or checking your email (every 5 seconds).
- Use TK to denote where you need to do some extra research or double check a fact. That way you can keep writing and take care of filling in those TKs once your writing session is over.
- Set aside specific times for social media and email. Make it a rule that you’ll only check social media and email before each meal, for example, or once in the morning and once before bed. That will keep you from mindlessly checking sporadically throughout the day.
- Download a program like Freedom or Antisocial. They’ll lock you out of the web and/or specific social media sites for a specified time so you have no choice but to buckle down and get some work done.
- Figure out when you’re most productive. That’s when you want to work on your toughest projects. Better to tackle those things when you’re at your best.
- Set a timer. Work nonstop for 15, 30, 45 minutes until it goes off and then give yourself a break. You’ll have a good chunk of time to concentrate on your current project followed by a built-in reward for all your hard work.
- Exercise and take naps. I know, I know, you’re already strapped for time. How on earth are you going to fit in a snooze and a trip to the gym? But you’ll be amazed at what a good workout and a few winks will do for your energy levels. And more energy means more juice to work on!
- Find some time for yourself. You need to recharge, and you can’t do that if you’re playing parent/partner/housekeeper/errand-runner/chauffeur/entrepreneur all the time. Employees get weekends and vacations. You need some time too.
- Outsource. Why do everything yourself when you can hire someone to do it for you? It may cost extra to have someone transcribe your interviews, organize your emails, build your website, do your bookkeeping and operate your social media presence, but the time you save by outsourcing will give you more time to work and search for higher paying clients and gigs.
- Hire some help. Buy yourself even more time by hiring a cleaning service, having your meals catered, shopping online and/or getting your groceries delivered. You can also cut corners by finding hairdressers, dentists and doctors who make house calls.
What About You?
In the end, it’s not about copying what I did or following every piece of advice out there; it’s about figuring out what works for you and your family. Experiment, talk it out, and do what’s right for you. The only must is to let go of the myth of the super parent. Once you do, you’ll find that it is possible to leave work behind and stay home with your kids.
How do you get work done while staying home with the kiddos? Have you been a victim of the work-at-home-supermom myth and how did you break free and take control of your situation? Let us know in the comments section below!