Last week I asked my email subscribers to fill out a simple poll.
It was made up of practical questions like “How often are you happy to receive emails from me?” and “Do you enjoy my exclusive tips and advice emails sent on a Thursday?”
The idea was that I could use the feedback to send the kind (and frequency) of emails that my subscribers want. I was really happy to see that the responses indicated a high level of satisfaction with what I was currently doing, but it was the “Any more comments” submissions that really got me.
Of the 151 responses submitted, 30 people were kind enough to leave me some really heartwarming feedback, for which I am hugely grateful. However, there was one message in particular that really touched a nerve and inspired me to write this post today.
“Give Us What We All Need”
The message was anonymous, like all the others (except those who had actually identified themselves). Here it is (paraphrased):
Bring it. Give us what we all need. Much more saturation, more tears, more in-the-trenches detail of personal growth including:
- Big and small failures
- Daily miseries
- Impossible life-choices and painful dilemmas
- Sacrifices
- Green-eyed monster jealousy of others’ ease of success/looks/luck
- Debilitating backstabbing disappointments and letdowns of friends and family abandonments
- Dumb-luck rare wind-falls and unexplainable great breaks
Don’t ask me why this message struck such a chord, but it compelled me to do exactly what was asked for. So here we go — seven personal stories to match the seven requests in my anonymous subscriber’s message.
1. Big and Small Failures
Failure should be treasured (tweet this)
If I’ve done one thing well since I started down my path to leaving work behind back in May 2011, it has been the act of failing.
I don’t say that in some kind of self-loathing, “I’m useless” kind of way. After all, with the year drawing to a close I am absolutely delighted with how my first year of self-employment has gone — my income is going in the right direction and I really enjoy what I do.
Yet I have failed on countless occasions — some notable examples can be found in mid-2011. I launched two sites that both flopped dramatically — Modeling for Kids and Deal With Anxiety. Just reading those words may seem inconsequential but those two failures probably represent in excess of 100 hours work.
But I didn’t stop there. For instance, at the beginning of 2012 I tried to devise a system for creating profitable niche sites. A few months (and $3,000 in expenses) later, I gave up. And I’ve not even mentioned the multitude of small failures which occur on a weekly basis.
I believe that anyone who is trying to achieve something worthwhile must understand that failure is part of the process. If you’re not failing on some level, you’re simply not pushing yourself hard enough. Constant failure is something to be worried by, but occasional failure that teaches you invaluable lessons and pushes you in the right direction must be treasured.
2. Daily Miseries
Accepting that perfection isn’t possible can make you a great deal happier (tweet this)
I struggle with productivity on a daily basis. I’m a terrible sleeper which certainly doesn’t help — I often oversleep and struggle to concentrate come lunch time. That inevitably leads to a nap which can often extend well into the afternoon, despite my initial best intentions.
I can imagine that some of you must think it’s pretty great to be able to moan about taking long naps in the afternoon, and I get that — I understand how fortunate I am that I don’t have a boss to yell at me for sleeping on the job. But it’s a bad thing too. That same boss motivates you to work (even if you don’t like their method of motivation). When you work by yourself and are your own boss, all of the motivation has to be internal.
With tiredness comes lack of motivation, and with lack of motivation comes a poor work ethic. It’s something I really struggle with. Some days I will be totally fired up and work non-stop all day long. Other days I’ll feel like doing anything at all is a huge effort.
These days I’ve learned to simply accept that I’ll have good and bad days and take an average view. If I feel like I’m progressing overall then I’m not going to beat myself up about slacking off at times. Quite frankly, life is too short to do that to yourself if you can afford not to. And the fact that I can go easy on myself reminds me of how fortunate I am to have worked myself into such a position.
3. Painful Dilemmas
Quitting your job is always a risk, but so is staying (tweet this)
There are few more painful dilemmas than the decision as to whether or not you should quit your job. That’s where I was in November 2011. I had just one writing client who had paid me a grand total of $450 in October — not quite enough to cover my $4,000 outgoings.
Despite that, I made the decision to quit. And it may sound strange given the circumstances, but I didn’t actually feel like it was that hard a decision.
First of all, I was unhappy. I was leaving a well paying job that I enjoyed but I was never going to be satisfied by working for someone else. Although I was taking a big financial risk in quitting my job, I was risking my ongoing happiness by staying in the role for any longer. And if I’ve learned one thing this year, it’s that money is not the most important thing in life (far from it).
Secondly, I could see the potential. If one client was willing to pay me $x per hour for my services and that hourly rate matched my current wage, theoretically I could make it work. In reality I felt that I could actually earn much more, and was proven right — in November 2012 I earned an equivalent hourly rate that was nearly five times higher than what I was paid in November 2011.
Conventional wisdom states that you should be earning as much from your side venture as you do from your job before you take the leap. I think that’s terrible advice for anyone who values their time and ability. If you have established a proven method of making money that you can scale, why wait? Quitting your job is always a risk, but so is staying. You’ll have to make a tough decision at some point.
4. Sacrifices
It is possible for sacrifice to make you happier (tweet this)
It would be far more dramatic for the purposes of this post if I could say that I’ve made huge sacrifices in getting this far, but I really don’t feel that I have.
When I started out I knew that I would have to cut back, and for a time I did. I kept a careful eye on my expenditure and tried my best to keep my savings from disappearing (which they were doing so at a fair rate in the first few months of 2012). I got down to around $3,000 in the bank at my lowest point. With my outgoings being more like $4,000, I was getting a little bit closer to the breadline than I would’ve liked.
Big sacrifices were certainly on the cards. I agonized over selling my beloved car. I considered selling my house and moving in with my sister in Texas for a period. And that’s not to mention all the less dramatic considerations like getting rid of my satellite TV package, buying cheaper groceries, going out less, and so on.
But none of these considerations of sacrifice gave me regret for the decision I had made. I felt that I was on the right track, and more importantly, I was happy with what I was doing. Although I was earning less, I was happier, and that was far more important to me.
As it turned out my income continued to grow and in July 2012 I broke even for the first time. My income hasn’t dropped below $4,000 since then and I would like to think that it never will. But regardless of that, I still know that I made the right decision, and I have never regretted it.
5. Jealousy
To be ignorant of success is to not understand how it was achieved (tweet this)
If there is one constant in life it is that someone will always be “better” than you.
I remember reading a post by Marcus Sheridan many months ago when he made note of that the fact that he had launched his blog in the same month that Michael Stelzner launched Social Media Examiner — a behemoth of a website.
Whilst there is no doubting Marcus’ success (I for one have a huge amount of respect for him), one must acknowledge that Michael has a far bigger site and presumably makes a great deal more money.
You can’t avoid those facts. I can’t imagine how many people there are that started out in May 2011 that are way ahead of me. But what’s the point in me comparing myself to them? How will that help me?
Holding yourself to a higher standard by focusing on how you can improve yourself to beat your competition is one thing — beating yourself up because someone who you perceive to be “similar” to you is doing “better” (whatever that means) is a waste of time.
As for putting someone else’s success down to luck — that’s a dangerous road to walk down. Trivialize other people’s success at your own risk, because to be ignorant of success is to not understand how it was achieved.
6. Disappointments
If there were no assholes then you wouldn’t appreciate those who are good and kind (tweet this)
Fortunately I have not been the victim of “letdowns of friends and family abandonments” during my journey. I was certainly the focus of plenty of concern and perhaps a lack of faith in my ability to achieve what I set out to do, but people’s hearts were always in the right place.
Neither have I been backstabbed, although I have certainly been verbally attacked on more than one occasion. The last time was just a couple of days ago in fact:
At such times it is all too tempting to stoop down to their level and respond in kind, but that is never a good idea. I am slowly learning that the moral high ground is always the best place to operate from, so I responded as such:
To Elaine’s credit, she apologized for her first statement and all was well in the world again. But I know that there will be plenty more antagonistic tweets and angry emails in the future — it comes with the territory. Whilst it’s always disappointing to be confronted with them, it’s something you have to accept.
In short — people can be assholes. That’s part of life. If there were no assholes then you wouldn’t appreciate those who are good and kind. So accept assholes for the value that they offer and only give them as much time as they deserve.
7. Great Breaks
Never presume that the smallest of opportunities won’t result in a positive outcome (tweet this)
Ask a hundred entrepreneurs when they got their “big break” and most will roll their eyes and tell you that they don’t exist. What people consider to be “big breaks” are typically the culmination of months or years of hard work.
Well…I may be the exception that proves the rule. In September 2011 I submitted a handful of pitches for writing jobs via the ProBlogger Job Board — more out of sheer frustration with my lack of progress than anything. I didn’t expect to receive any positive feedback. After all, I had no writing qualifications or experience.
But from those pitches I received an offer to trial for the WPMU blog. That trial led to a writing job which inspired me to quit my job, which in turn inspired me to seek out more clients and establish a successful freelance writing business. That then inspired me to write and publish a freelance blogging guide. My freelance writing income enables me to commit many hours every day to passive income projects, and I hope to see my income grow in future months. All because of a handful of pitches, submitted on a whim.
That experience taught me an extremely valuable lesson — that sometimes the best opportunities and outcomes arise from the unlikeliest of situations. I see this fact repeating itself time and time again. For example, just the other week I landed an exciting new client from one of this blog’s readers. I certainly wasn’t sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for a referral from her, but it came nonetheless!
Never presume that the smallest of opportunities won’t result in a positive outcome. Be as indiscriminate in your focus on every possible avenue in life as you can afford to be.
What’s Your Story?
There you have it folks — seven distinct stories that encapsulate my journey to date. I know that there will be many more stories to come and I can’t wait to experience them and share them with you as they happen.
But now it’s your turn — I’d love to hear your story. So pick from one of the above themes — one that strikes a chord with you — and tell it to us in the comments section!
Creative Commons image courtesy of Genista
Great article and very authentic. Definitely a cool view point.
Daily Miseries:
It is terribly easy to get distracted and slack off when you are self employed. I’ve come to realize this all too well. Self-motivation and self-discipline are huge factors, and I know that my ability to focus will determine the degree of my success.
It’s easy to wake up late and feel like the whole day is wasted. And at some points, focus seems nearly impossible to come by and writing a mere sentence seems to take a behemoth effort.
This is a battle fought daily. I need to avoid distractions and focus in on my goals for each day. Otherwise, days start to slip away and I realize I haven’t made much progress in a day/week.
I definite share your struggle Dave! Thanks for sharing.
Big and Small Failures:
My very first website was a sub domain that my dad set up for me. I had no idea what to do with. I started off mixing three different things that were way too different. Teacher, active, and gaming. I wanted to talk about them all separately on the same site.
What happened was I didn’t know what to blog about because the topic was too broad. I had little direction. It often felt like a sail boat in the middle of ocean with no wind.
Despite that lack of direction on the first blog, my subsequent blogs have had much more direction.
We learn from our mistakes.
If only I could get this whole coding thing down pat.
Can’t beat mistakes for teaching good lessons! It’s a lot easier to figure out how to do something right when you have an intimate knowledge of how to do it wrong 😉
Very true Tom.
They say that once you can teach someone something you have learned it well enough yourself.
So when it comes to failures, if you can teach people about them, you have learned.
Iain
Nicely put Iain 🙂
Thanks for this, Tom. I started my online thing over 15 years ago. When the bubble burst I tried leaving the tech field entirely, but kept getting drawn back in. About 10 years ago I quit my ‘day job’ in favor of doing my own thing – IT, hosting, web design and management. Since then I’ve “refined” the business quite a bit, and even convinced my wife to start working with me. The hardest part for me was convincing her that we really could do it ourselves. Had we started earlier, we’d have been in a much better place sooner. That fear kept us back for about 5 years and my only regret is that I didn’t push harder to do it sooner.
Hey Shawn,
I think just about everyone has the same story to a degree, don’t they? I know I do — where would I be now if I had got into blogging etc straight after leaving university? But then of course we can never predict whether things will have gone the same way, so there’s little point in regretting what we cannot change.
Cheers,
Tom
Tom, #2 man, #2.
I’m in the same situation as far as sleeping schedule and motivation. I love my work and it’s great to work with such fun clients but there are just some days that are very blah where others have me on top of the world.
I think what we didn’t realize when we left for our own thing is that working 9-to-5, you’re always in between. You’re very stable, emotionally, so you’re always getting something done (because you’re forced to – being a job and all) but you still dream about being away from it all.
Now that we’re on that outside, it’s easy to see that it requires a TON of motivation, sacrifice, and self awareness. The sudden realization that the 2 – 3 hours of traffic we spent a day just commuting feels like a “waste” when we spend that same time just gearing up for the day – both are a time sink but why does sitting in the car make us not feel nearly as anxious? Ya know?
I think it’s the timing, personally. There are some days when we get 10 hours of core work in while others may only be 2. Some of those days we’d make the same money. So it’s hard to understand it all because we want to go hard all day, every day. However, when we take a moment to collect – we see that we’re hitting our goals but at different times on different days (if that makes sense).
Plus … we’re going stir crazy, haha.
Yeah, I like working in my boxers but when you start wandering around the apartment at 3am trying to figure out what you want to do next, chugging down coffee, and keep peering outside – you know it’s getting at ya.
Hey Murray,
Interesting comparison with the commute and “gearing up”, although to be honest, if I’m going to have a productive day I tend to launch straight into it. If I coast for the first couple of hours then chances are that I’m not going to have a particularly productive day.
Cheers,
Tom
Tom, great article!
I totally reckon myself in your second point, Daily Miseries.
I have exactly the same problem – sometimes i manage to be super productive in two hours, and at other times i don’t get anything done during a whole week. Providing that I’m still working and my “free” time is limited, it’s really discouraging sometimes to have such miseries.
And well, other of my miseries is that I barely get 5 daily visitors to my blog so far – probably because i’m not doing anything to be ranked in Google, im just writing content at the moment…
Anyway, how am i tackling this? First point: well i will force myself to go to the library 3 times a week if possible, those are at least 4 or 5 hours of guaranteed productivity and quality work. And maybe I’ll accept that i can’t be productive every day. Second point: well I guess I need to be patient for a start, and maybe work my way towards being known as a blogger about productivity and happiness…
Thanks a million Tom for your article, as always very inspiring. This is the kind of post that we all need when facing some kind of down feelings.
Nicolas.
Thanks for the kind words Nicolas 🙂
I think my second point resonates with a lot of people who work for themselves and/or from home. I totally agree with getting out of the house — I sometimes go to the library too and find myself to be far more productive. Unfortunately the recent cold weather and icy paths here in the UK have discouraged me recently 😉
Cheers,
Tom
Well come pay me a visit in Madrid! Here weather is warm enough to go outside for a walk, or go to the library 😉
Haha, thanks — I’ll bear that in mind 🙂
Ahh . . . point # 3: Painful Dilemmas
What do you do when all you want is to write and build your blog, but you have to spend the majority of your day — 5 days a week — at work?
That’s a toughie.
Get up at 4:30am to make extra time? Check.
Limit social life in order to stay focused? Check.
Bust ass on the weekends? Sorta check.
Still no end to this dilemma in sight, but I’m making small progress every day . . . it’s only a matter of time.
Thanks for sharing this useful and inspirational blog — it gives us hope.
Cheers!
Hi Trevor,
Sounds like you’re doing far more than the vast majority of people in that same situation, for which I commend you. On the other hand, I’d be wary of burning out…
Cheers,
Tom
I’d rather risk burnout than complacency.
Cheers!
Wow its all like me 🙁 I am “stuck” at work when all I want is write articles for my blog and build up some relationship with readers and other bloggers. That’s really tough… I definitely can’t reduce my social life, because without these relaxing and happy moments I would lose my motivation to work – be careful Trevor to not hit burnout has Tom said. There’s a middle point between burnout and complacency…
And btw Trevor, is there any chance you can work on your blog from your work? Maybe writing articles is complicated, but answering to comments, choosing the best title for your article, checking external resources for more ideas or proof for your articles… if you have a office work, I think you can definitely make up some time for those things … even if it’s just 15 minutes a day, well if you add up those are 1h15 a week of added work for your blog.
Anyway good luck!
I appreciate your suggestions Nicolas.
I do have an office job, but unfortunately my work requires my full attention while I’m there. I only get one break each day — my half hour lunch break — which I use to get out of the office and go for a walk.
I hear what you guys are saying about burnout, but my history resides on the other end of the spectrum. The moment I start cutting myself some slack is the moment I give up on my dreams.
And that ain’t gonna happen.
I’m wishing you luck as well Nicolas!
Cheers!
Number 2, being unmotivated is killing me. I’ve got to start earning again or there will be serious consequences but I just can’t make myself work.
After a good month last month, I thought this writing game might be my way out but I’ve not got a sniff of work this month. I check Pro Blogger every day but haven’t managed to get anything on going from it.
There must be other places to look for writing/blogging work on line?
Thanks, Joe
Hi Joe,
There are loads of ways to find freelance writing work online. Check out my freelance writing posts (linked to from the sidebar) and perhaps consider buying my guide.
Cheers,
Tom
Cheers Tom. I have bought the guide, just not read it yet!
Will try and convert it to mobi/Kindle and read it on my holidays.
Thanks.
Wait a day and I’ll do that for you 😉
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences Tom! I definitely struggle with productivity as well, and jealousy sneaks up at times too. I’ve only been going for a couple months and I’ve seen other sites grow much faster, but I know I’m still in the early stage, and getting past the early stage is usually the hardest part so blocking out the jealousy is getting easier with time.
Thanks Tom!
Hi Joe,
The fact is that people will always do better than you — it’s a fact of life. However, if a lot of people are outperforming you then that should give you cause for consideration rather than jealousy (in an ideal world). Why are they outperforming you? What are they doing that you are not? We should take other people’s superiority as cause to study what they are doing that we are not.
Cheers,
Tom
# 6 Disappointments
Though I was not attacked verbally in my writings, I feel that some people I know are not convinced that my blog is worth reading. My blog is about travel experiences and I do not talk only about myself. I also have to feature other travellers because I believe talking about myself all the time can be a bit boring to others. What do you think?
I am barely a year in blogging and didn’t have experience in publishing my writings. I don’t consider myself a failure because I know I am new on this. I have to sacrifice more and learn to improve my writing style.
I am inspired with your post Tom. I feel that I can learn more from reading your blog on a regular basis.
More power!
Hi Freddie,
First of all, to anyone who attacks you — screw them. Constructive criticism can be extremely valuable, but anything stronger is not worth your time.
I’ve skimmed a couple of your posts and I like it. I think your writing style needs some work but that will come in time. I would argue that your priority should be drastically simplifying your blog design — stripping out the countless widgets you have and putting a strong emphasis on the content. I would also recommend that you move to a self-hosted WordPress blog. You may want to check this out: http://www.leavingworkbehind.com/beginners-blogging-guide/
Cheers,
Tom
Not sure if mine needs to be filed under #6 Disappointments or if I should give it its own heading “Support System”.
At the moment, reading sites like yours and posts like this one are about the only things that support me and help me keep going. Local support from friends and family – that simply doesn’t exist.
To be honest, the majority of my friends and family have never heard of a blog and those that have don’t think it comes anywhere near to a real man’s job. I’d lie if I said it’s easy to keep being positive and have faith all the time. What scares me is that I have sort of separated myself from most social activity. It’s the only way I can keep myself away from those negative influences and surround myself with what feeds my internal motivation.
If I could find the same inspiration, motivation and support from my local social networks than I do from my time spent online on sites like yours, things would be kind of different, I’m sure.
The only thing that keeps me going and ignore those around me is the burning desire to succeed as a freelance writer. Luckily I know that the desire is bigger than anything else in my life which can’t be crippled by anything going on around me.
Thanks for the motivation, Tom. I appreciate it!
Hey Ruan,
You’re not the only one to look to the web for support, so don’t feel lonely in that respect! I would suggest getting involved in forums as well.
Cheers,
Tom
I liked this article and think I will subscribe. I like reading about success following failure. I have experienced failure when I left a job where I was unhappy with huge expectations for joy and big money at another job. The ‘other’ job was a job where I would have been a self contractor, meaning make more money in place of no benefits and no taxes paid for you.
Nothing went as I had hope, with a devastating personal event that happened at the same time as when I ditched my job. I only lasted about a month.
‘Devastated’ is a good description for what I felt at that time. In some ways, even though part of me (most of my logical mind) understood I had taken that risk of my own free will, I blamed all the blogs I had read about ‘taking the leap’. I leaped and crashed.
I know failure is important to learn about life. But I still don’t like it! I HATE it. I don’t blame others for failing. That’s great they have failed and overcome and now they are awesome, after all.
After my ‘dream job’ ended, I was able to again find work, a job that ended in being laid off after 6 months, a job I hated almost as much as the one I originally ‘leaped away from’. I then got another dream job only to suffer the humiliation of another ‘failure’. Now I am working again, but suffering daily, feeling I am really not very good at what I am doing and wondering if failure (and humiliation) (and financial ruin) (and living in my mother’s basement) are waiting for me each day.
I know I have skills and talents I really enjoy using. I have skills and talents others use to make big money and do satisfying work. A lack of talent is not what holds me back.
I guess I need to really believe in myself and to develop a little more self discipline. Could it be that simple? I think it just may be!
Thanks for writing a great article. I will be signing up for more.
Thank you Lois for sharing your story! 🙂
I read pieces like this and realize how many talented people are out there that are competing for readers. Success online is not an easy proposition, for sure.
Hey Tom, you have been brilliant once again! 🙂
I really like your point that “overall progress” is far more important than success on daily basis. Humans != robots. I guess it would be perfect if we can plug another battery into our body to continue working, but it’s slightly different in reality. Sometimes we struggle with some hard thoughts, sorrow, sickness and/or tiredness. This “not working” time is better to be spent on healing (repairing) than to pushing it harder.
It’s so like you are driving damaged car. You will end the race sooner than you think 🙂
Personally, I don’t believe motivation comes from pressures, but mostly from the free choice. And a bit of self discipline, of course.
Cheers!
I couldn’t agree more Bojan. Pushing yourself harder when your mind and/or body is saying no is a recipe for burnout…
Hi Tom,
Brilliant post, very insightful. There are certainly a lot of points that resonate with me.
With regards to point #2, I’ll have to say that I don’t find it difficult to be motivated (overzealous would be more fitting), but I REALLY struggle with the focus. There are hundreds and thousands of cool things I want to try with my business, and I often tend to start a few dozens at a time without getting anything accomplished really. I’m constantly chasing some shiny new thing, because I haven’t really found anything definitive that’s working for me. And I start to think that I will never find such a thing if I continue to wander this way…
Well, let’s hope that I find something I can focus on in the near future… 😛
For now I have decided that I will simply accept this fact and make my chasing around part of my blog, with case studies and experiments and so on. Let’s see how this goes!
Have fun discovering the rest of your story!
Thanks Alain 🙂
Hi Tom,
The points in this article resonated really strongly with me. I’m now three months into not having a regular income and my motivation seems to be affected more by having too many choices of what to focus on rather than too few. But I’m working on that, and with my blog now up and running I do feel some satisfaction in moving forwards. Your words have reminded me of the many reasons I took this step.
I did want to make one particular point, relating to your section on jealousy and others being better than you. I’m very good at putting myself down when comparing myself to others, and have had to learn to remind myself that even though there are many who are better than me at whatever it is, there are also many who are worse. Then I think that if people can sell the mediocre photography and sometimes awful writing you see out there (including spelling mistakes!), then there must be a way for me to make money too!
Marketing and self-promotion are really the biggest issues for me.
Thanks for the reminder that there are many others struggling with similar issues and still managing to get by.
Allison.
Hey Allison,
Thanks for your thoughts — I think you are spot on. Although humans are naturally competitive, I think that life is too short to worry too much about being the very best. I’m quite happy just being me, as long as I’m happy with what “me” is 🙂
Cheers,
Tom