Tom: Today’s guest post is courtesy of Charlotte Kingston — once of the BBC, now an adventurer winging her way to India. You can follow her exotic wanderings and wonderings at chakakant.com. Charlotte’s story is utterly compelling and I am sure it will strike home with many of you, which is why I was so keen to publish it here on Leaving Work Behind. Enjoy!
Last week, I left my job at the most venerable of institutions: the British Broadcasting Corporation. In some ways the hardest thing about leaving was the perception of others — I’d love to work there, why would you want to leave?
When working for a large organisation with such a haloed reputation, it can be great to revel in the connection people have to the brand. Contributing to making something that people love can be kudos-tastic and tough to take an objective view on.
I had a brilliant job in theory, but the day-to-day feeling of working there didn’t reflect the dream. Working on live events and broadcasting was extraordinarily stressful — the never-ending hamster wheel of production kept turning, with me powerlessly scrabbling within it, trying to keep up.
I wasn’t getting anywhere fast and felt frazzled all the time. Something had to give, but indecision held me back. In this article I will describe how I eventually overcame my decision and gained the courage to take the leap into the unknown.
Experiencing Indecision
I had invested five years of my life in the BBC and had so many brilliant experiences, and as such, found myself asking questions like:
- Could I really give my job up?
- Could there still be amazing opportunities for me within the organisation if I hustled just a little more?
- Could I hang on in there for redundancy, a new opportunity or for things to change?”
Throughout this time I spoke to many people about the situation and my colleagues and friends were so supportive. I had such a variety of responses — from yes, you must leave! and no, you’re silly, what are you doing? It was especially tough when you knew there were plenty of people out there who would love to have my job. Feelings of confusion and guilt mingled in with everything.
I was so busy worrying about what people thought. Would I be letting people down? Am I throwing away a huge opportunity forever? I’d gone to the big city with such high hopes — would I be sheepishly crawling back home with my tail between my legs, having tried and not quite made it?
Usually I find talking things through helps everything, but in this case, more talking meant more indecision. Why? Because I was waiting for someone to give me answer, to tell me what to do. But ultimately only one person could make a decision — me.
At times the pressure of indecision got too much. I had to take a step back and think.
Overcoming Indecision
Switching off from it all, I was flicking round Netflix and caught a National Geographic documentary about stress which led me to the wonderfully titled Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers by primatologist Robert M Sapolsky.
Animals — including us humanoids — are not meant to live in a constant state of stress. Our body’s fight or flight mechanism is made for three minutes on the savannah escaping a lion, not forever worrying about a sent email or deadline or whether a spreadsheet was filled in. Sapolsky’s research also revealed that even within primate hierarchies, those in lower ranking positions were prone to stress and depression — in fact, it was inevitable.
This book provided the pivot point I needed to change my mindset. So used to ceding autonomy to the organisation, I felt powerless, like Sam Lowry in Terry Gilliam’s Brazil. My years of working within such a hierarchical structure made me consider only my limitations (what I couldn’t do) rather than the limitless opportunities available to me (what I could do).
Thinking about the impact my job was having on my body and mind was a real eye-opener. I realised that it didn’t have to be like it was. If I wanted to and was willing to make a change, I could feel more in control — better.
Taking Action
Instead of seeing my amazing past experiences at the organisation as a reason to stay, I realised that they were a reason for me to have the confidence that I could leave and would be alright. I realised that I could achieve such great things and have other equally or even more spectacular experiences again.
Once I made that key mental shift, the decision was easy. It took a combination of four factors:
- Rejecting constant stress as an acceptable way of life
- Ceasing to worry about others
- Taking control of my own decisions
- Reminding myself of what I am capable of achieving
It all came down to choice. As Morrissey sang, “It’s my life to ruin, my own way.” Whether good or bad, I had to make a decision. My decision.
Take a risk; or as my friend elegantly put it, “throw the deck up in the air and see how the cards land.”
That’s what I did, and I can’t wait to discover what adventures await.
Tom: My thanks go out to Charlotte for sharing her wonderful story! We’d both love to know what you think of her decision and whether you think her story will help you overcome your own indecision. Share with us in the comments section below!
Photo Credit: Emma Davenport, Big Bouquet Photography
Cheers Tom. Writing this has been a really cathartic experience actually. Hopefully people will be able to identify with some of it and accept that work doesn’t have to be super-stressful all the time. You can change things!
good luck charlotte.hope you have loads of exciting times.sure you will.xx uncle dave.
Damn right you can! Your story is definitely one that I think many LWB readers can relate to and I hope that will inspire them.
Yay Charlotte! Beautifully stated–and I was meant to read this today–I haven’t been on Tom’s site in a while (though I love it!) I am struggling with a similiar decision. I have a great job from the outside–but the inner turmoil in creates in my body is not okay. I’m in a little different position with two little people and a husband relying on me–but I have to remember that I am teaching them what is okay by my actions not my words. Would love to hear about your adventure as you discover it! Hope to see more of you on the cyber webs. Warmly, Tiffiney
Thanks Tiffiney! I know when I was growing up my Dad was in a job he hated and stayed in it for our sakes. It was amazing that he did that for us but it was also palpable how miserable he was – so I guess that’s why it is ingrained in me to not get stuck (maybe I’ve gone too far the other way!). Now he has his own business working from home and is his own boss and much happier, most definitely. So it can be done!
Awesome post Charlotte! Thanks so much for sharing your inspiring story with everyone!
Cheers Jo. Great to know there are so many like minds out there!
Way to go, Charlotte! Congratulations on making your decision and reducing the stress in your life. As a fellow escapee from the hyper-reactive world of broadcast media–and no, I’ve never once regretted it–I found your statement about mindset to be so insightful:
“My years of working within such a hierarchical structure made me consider only my limitations (what I couldn’t do) rather than the limitless opportunities available to me (what I could do).”
I’d never thought of it that way. It’s like an extension of the scarcity mindset to personal abilities. But we all have a lot more capability than we realize. Thanks for expressing it so clearly!
Thanks Casey. The scarcity mindset is an interesting way to look at it. It is always hard valuing yourself and your abilities, it’s so easy to self-doubt and lose confidence when you’re in a tough work situation. But you’re right – everyone is capable of more than they think. I surprised myself even getting into the Beeb in the first place – let alone all the amazing stuff I did there – but I did it and sure I can do such unexpectedly brill stuff again!
Congrats on making the decision to shoot for your dreams. Maybe I overlooked it, but were you already earning some income from other sources before you left?
No, I dabble in a bit of DJing but no regular worj. I’m just taking a bit of a chance and relying on my hustle, I guess!
Great story Charlotte and all the best with your new venture.
I really enjoyed this – “It all came down to choice. As Morrissey sang, “It’s my life to ruin, my own way.” Whether good or bad, I had to make a decision. My decision.”
And while we sometimes have a heavy focus on the ones we love and care for as potential reasons for holding us back – ultimately it needs to be our choice and remember that it’s our life and they’re simply apart of it.
Cheers!
Yes, I always like a bit of Mozza wisdom! If you’re happier where you are in life then you’ll be better to be around for your friends and family, so it’s selfless really… wink wink.
Thanks all. No, no other income. Just winging it and see what happens. Although, I am flying solo so only me to worry about! Exciting times though. Eek!
Hi, Charlotte! Adding congratulations on such a powerful decision. The Hawaiian word is a’a, which means to brave, dare, or challenge and interestingly, to venture.
We did the “sell everything and move to a tropical island” version. This fork in the road leads to a far more vivid life. You will be fine. Aloha!
Aha, a’a sounds like totally the right word. Thanks Betsy!
In fact I’m intending to make a Hawaii stop at some point so maybe see you there…
Congratulations Charlotte! Your comments about leaving behind a job that you know other people want really resonated with me. It almost seems ungrateful, doesn’t it? But in the end, I’m so glad you made the choice that was right for you, your health, and your life!
That’s so true, it can feel ungrateful. But you’re so right, acknowledging what the choice for your personally is the hard thing. I’m currently on a beach in Goa and not regretting a bit!
Hello Charlotte ,
i wish you all the best & when you are in IIndia buzz me. My twitter handle is @artofvision i support your idea of quitting & starting new….I will do it one day…Am visually challenged & have no strength to take that decision right now…Am also in my day job & going through a lot of stress & mixed emotions.
Tom i read your blog time to time…Keep it up mate.
Will do Raghavendra 🙂
Thanks Raghavendra! Hang on in there, you’ll know when the time is right for you too.
Hi Charlotte,
I really enjoyed reading your story and congratulations on having the courage to do it!! It’s sooo easy to get stuck in a rut and as you say, let perceived limitations weigh you down rather than real opportunities free you from working for someone else.
You rock!!!
Cheers Pauline. I’m so glad I did it! I will keep on trying to rock as best I can!
Congratulations Charlotte! I love #1 in the Taking Action portion:
“Rejecting constant stress as an acceptable way of life”
Constant stress is ignored by so many employees today that it’s become a sick type of norm.
That’s so true – so many people seem so turbo-stressed at work. It’s not a fait accompli, it doesn’t have to be like that but it is so easy to accept it as the only way!
I could relate to almost everything in this article as I went through a similar experience! It’s one of the hardest decisions to make because the unknown and facing uncertainty is tough!
I also couldn’t deal with the level of stress in my last job – it started to take a toll on my physically, emotionally and mentally and eventually I hit burn-out. I knew I had to get out.
Our stories are parallel. I wrote about my experience here http://thinksimplenow.com/clarity/how-i-found-the-courage-to-quit-my-job/ – if anyone wants to take a read.
Thanks for sharing, Deevra. It’s so goood to read someone else’s story and realise you’re not alone!
Ahh I’ve just left work (for the day, not forever) with the familiar thoughts and feelings whirring. So its great to read an inspiring post like this. I fell guilty for not wanting my job that ‘should’ be everything I ever wanted. But the desire to work for myself full time is overwhelming. The part I liked most in the article was where you realise you can build on your experiences so far & you must have the skills etc to make it on your own. Maybe I should think this way too. Good luck!
You so should, Anna. Let those skills and that the experience work for you! Good luck to you too, matey.
Very inspiring post, Charlotte! You are starting off with the most important ingredient – the right attitude. I’ve been prevaricating (don’t you love that word!) for years, freelance writing part-time and too scared to let go of my job, and more importantly, the regular, guaranteed income. But I’ve finally committed to doing it and have set myself a goal that in 12 months time I will be writing full-time. I think there comes a time in your life when the boredom and lack of fulfillment of staying in the same old rut is greater then the fear of the unknown and you just have to catapult yourself into action.
Absolutely! So fab you’ve got a plan. You never know what else unexpected might come out of it. Go for it!
Congratulation Charlotte!
I admire you because you’re brave enough to make the difficult decision. For me myself, I still didn’t have the courage to do so. I didn’t hate my job as a doctor. I just felt that I’m happier to be a writer. Looking forward to my future as a full time writer.
Thanks Hayati! Good luck with it all!
Charlotte, you made the right move. You are much better for it. Sometimes, fear of letting those around you down and worrying about leaving the “good job” makes people stay in a job they don’t like.
Glad you are living your dreams.
Thanks John! Currently on a rather windy island off of Lombok in Indonesia and it is dream making stuff alright!
Absolutely love your blog darling daughter, when did you get to be such a brilliant writer? I expected you to be a photographer or a knit designer on your travels, is there no end to my girl’s talents I wonder?
As a mother, it is very difficult to let your lone travelling daughter go off around the world alone. So darling, go with our blessing and the love and protection of Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. We placed you into His hands as a baby and He has never left you. Love always the ‘rents xxx
Thanks for commenting, Caroline. Glad you enjoyed the blog! All a-ok out here so no need to worry too much!
Hi Charlotte it’s Shiraz friend (the one who doesn’t exist). I highly recommend doing a disappearing act every 3 years or so. Keeps life fresh.
Congratulations Charlotte! I enjoyed reading your story as I too am living a daily stressful life due to work. I will use your story as my inspiration.