A few months ago I had an experience like this, and through conversations in the community forums I discovered that I was not alone. There were other people who had encountered difficult situations just like mine. There appear to be lots of people who have friends and family who just don’t ‘get’ this new lifestyle and sometimes are completely unsupportive.
This article is going to take you through that other side of leaving work behind – the darker side.
We have all been there, or may well encounter it, so by sharing this experience and opening up the conversation I want to help prove that you we are not alone, and no matter how rough the waters get, we can weather it together. Because the truth about friends and family is that they are not always there for you as you expect.
My Experience
A few months ago I had a conversation with someone I thought I could count on and trust about my new business. I expected support, encouragement, and maybe even some questions as he was starting a similar venture of his own.
What I got instead was an attack on every avenue: phone conversations, direct messages and social media.
Unprecedented, unexpected and outright mean comments and statements were hurled at me at every opportunity. He demanded proof that my business was actually a business, balance sheets to confirm I was making money, and was insulted I would dare compare his new venture to my business and offer advice (after all he went to business school, so I could not possibly help him).
I did not instigate these ‘conversations’ but rather was notified by various social media that I was tagged, or received direct messages. To say that I was shocked would be an extreme understatement. I was hurt, upset, angry, betrayed and completely appalled that someone so close to me would be so publicly and privately malicious about me and my business. The whole situation felt unreal and extremely personal.
Revealing this situation to you now still makes me feel emotional and raw thinking about it, because I absolutely cannot believe it happened. I never saw it coming. I sincerely hope you never have to encounter anything like it, but I am sad to say that this dark side of leaving work behind may rear its ugly head to you sooner or later.
The Darkness
Some attacks of this nature will be subtle and some might seem like outright war. Other cases will be people in your life who just don’t ‘get’ this lifestyle or understand how it works, so their ignorance can come out as hurtful and insulting.
Some people intend to cause injury with their words, and others probably don’t filter enough before speaking. You will encounter all kinds.
Intentional or not, when you are pumped up about developing your business, excited to be your own boss and revved up about bringing your brilliant ideas to life, any denigrating comments can be deflating.
You may be able to simply brush some things aside and not worry about them (and good for you in that case!), but chances are that the more personal the source, the more the darkness can seep into your skin.
Whether it is jealousy, fear, or not accepting who you have become, any encounter with the darkness can affect your productivity and mindset. Banishing the negative energies to where they can no longer hurt you is a priority.
I won’t lie to you – depending on your exact situation, cutting any necessary ties with negative influences is not always easy. In some cases this is a friend or family member that you will still see on a social basis. If it is a stranger, it is easier to shake off. In my case, if the person had not been so close to me, I don’t think the situation would have hit me quite as hard.
It may be business, but when you are an entrepreneur, and you live and breathe your business, your work becomes extremely personal to you. For entrepreneurs, business is very much a personal affair.
The Light
But there is a light side to this story – the good people and positive influences that push you to be better and help you at your darkest points. People who validate you, encourage you and support you through difficult times.
Talking to people (or writing a post like this) about the situation and venting your frustration can be extremely cathartic. It will not solve your issues but it can help you to remember how amazing you are and what you are capable of. It can remind you that you are not alone and that revealing your situation can help others deal with similar ones.
When I was feeling betrayed and hurt by my own experience, the first people (besides my husband) that I turned to was my mastermind group, and in particular Carlton Taylor – our chief motivator. He privately sent me some awesome encouragement and understanding and then shared those thoughts with everyone. It was exactly what I needed to hear, and I am thankful for communities that have allowed me to connect with such amazing people.
For all of the criticism, incomprehension, and hostility that you may encounter in your new ventures, you will also find like-minded individuals willing to sit in your corner. These are the people you need to actively seek out. Develop relationships with them and collaborate with them – surround yourself with the people who will bring out your ideas and fight off the negative influences with you.
The Bottom Line
Encountering resistance in your endeavors is never easy, and occasionally some of their poison will hit true and knock you back a few paces. You have to make the choice to move beyond the negative and focus on what will benefit you and help you to grow, not what will hold you back.
Unfortunately, you may encounter the darkness at some point, but my friend Carlton really phrased it perfectly when he emphasized that you shouldn’t waste your time trying to convince these negative people. Instead, invest your time cultivating relationships with people who appreciate you for who you are now and who you are aiming to be. You are not alone with your struggles, and together we can bring forth more light.
Have you gone through a similar situation? We want to hear from you! Join the conversation in the comments below or in the community forums!
Photo Credit: bobsfever