Tom: The following is a guest post by Tiffany Jansen, a freelance writer and copywriter based in New York. It is one of the best articles I’ve read in a while. If you’re a parent and a freelancer (and even if not), it could change your life!
Many of us venture into freelancing because of the promise of freedom.
We can make our own schedules, decide who we want to work with and what projects we take on. We’re in control of our earning potential, our business and our lives.
While these things seem attractive no matter who you are, they become all the more attractive when you have a family.
I mean it sounds great, right? Stay at home with the kids, be there to greet them when they get home from school, maybe even get some housecleaning done in between projects.
That’s exactly what I thought when my daughter was born.
Only it didn’t work out quite like I’d fantasized…
My Story
I’d been writing on the side for years; just for fun and a bit of extra pocket money. But after I had my daughter in 2011, I knew I needed (okay, okay; wanted desperately) to be at home with her. So I decided to leave work behind and become a full-time freelance writer.
To learn the ropes, I began following pros like Linda Formichelli, Carol Tice and Mridu Khullar Relph.
They were rocking it in every sense of the word as bloggers, freelancers and mamas. Watching them made doing it all seem not only possible, but effortless!
However, experience quickly taught me that nap times (if they happen all), early mornings (we’re talking before-the-crack-of-dawn here) and the free hour I had before my own bedtime were not enough to build the freelance writing empire I had envisioned.
I was working weekends and pulling all-nighters to keep up with what little work I had coming in. The house was a mess, meals were limited to ready-made and take out, and the television had gone from entertainment device to flat-screen babysitter. Yet I struggled to find time to market my freelance business.
Worst of all? I wasn’t spending more time with my husband and kid – I was spending less.
I was miserable.
I couldn’t understand it – all these women had been able to build successful writing careers while being stay at home moms. Why couldn’t I do the same?
Giving up was sounding more and more attractive.
Was I not as good a writer as I thought? Did I just not want it badly enough? Or was there something more?
Whatever the reason, I was determined not to go back to being an employee. If I wanted to make this freelancing thing work, I was going to need help.
I needed a mentor to help me get my head screwed on right and get back on track.
So, in a moment of desperation, I sent an email to Carol Tice, telling her about my problem. Instead of signing me up and taking my money, she leveled with me: “Are you seriously trying to do all this by yourself?”
I didn’t need mentoring, she told me. I needed to come to grips with reality.
The Myth of the Super-Mom
Did you know that Carol’s workday ends when her kids get home from school? That’s because she knows that once they walk in the door, it’ll be impossible for her to get anything significant done. So she takes on the big projects while they’re at school and saves the quick, easy stuff for after school hours.
Linda Formichelli and her husband both work from home, so they’re able to split child duty. On top of that, Linda’s mother takes their son once a week so they both have some uninterrupted work time.
Mridu Khullar Relph also has a work-from-home-hubby to share childcare responsibility, and nearby friends and relatives are on hand to help when needed.
So, while these ladies are moms and successful entrepreneurs, it’s not in the impeccably-dressed, always got something baking in the oven, PTA super-star, spotless-house, always on hand for the kids, sweater-knitting, business-running standard I was trying to hold myself to.
The reality is that being a parent is already a full-time job. By trying to run a successful freelance business, raise a child, keep a house and make time for myself, I was only setting myself up for failure.
After my wake-up call from Carol, I knew it was time to stop trying to be Super-Mom and be realistic. It was time for me to…
Take Control (Read: Get Help)
My first step was a heart-to-heart with my husband.
Since he works outside the home, we would need to rely on some form of daycare and, at that point, he was the only one bringing in the money to cover those costs.
Not only was he completely on board, he also offered to take our daughter one day each weekend so I’d have a full day to work.
Once that was settled, I found a sitter to watch my daughter two days a week in our home while I worked upstairs in our attic/home office.
But I didn’t stop there. I had a long talk with my writing buddy (also a mom) in which we brainstormed how to be more productive with kids in tow. At the time, I was a member of Carol’s Freelance Writers Den, where I took advantage of the community aspect by polling other members for additional tips and suggestions.
After putting everything in practice, my productivity shot through the roof. I was able to complete my assignments and continue to market myself. Despite not starting until May, taking vacation time and working 15 hours a week or less, I made $14,000 that year. And best of all, I had more time to be mom and wife. While I could still use some more “me time,” it’s been amazing what I’ve accomplished since realizing that I’m only human.
So if you’re a freelance parent struggling with the Super-Mom or Super-Dad complex, here’s a round-up of the tips I gathered from Carol, Linda and other freelance parents:
Tips for Working at Home with Kids
- Find a childcare provider. This could be daycare, a sitter, or a friend or family member. If money is tight, Linda recommends finding other work-from-home parents and see if you can do an exchange where one parent looks after all the kids while the other(s) works. Then switch.
- Save what Carol calls the “heavy lifting” for during school or nap times. Work on your larger, more concentration-consuming tasks while the kids are out (literally and figuratively), and the lighter work for when they’re around and awake.
- Be an early riser or a night owl (or both). Getting up earlier or staying up later than the rest of your family will give you some uninterrupted work time.
- Teach your child to play independently. Mridu taught her son to work on his own projects quietly during her working hours. Whether it’s puzzles, coloring, or playing with toys, he’s got his own assignments to complete while she writes. If all else fails, set your child up with a fun app or pop in a movie.
- Keep a realistic to-do list. Let’s face it, as a stay-at-home parent, it’s not likely that you’ll cross off pages and pages of tasks in one day. A list of 3-5 items is more realistic.
- Start a what-I-did-do list. Sometimes we get frustrated if we don’t complete everything on our to-do list. But just because you didn’t cross everything off doesn’t mean you didn’t accomplish anything. What about all the things you did do that weren’t on your list? Try making a list of those items to look back on when the day is through. You may be surprised at how productive you were.
- Change location. Work outside, in another room, or hit up a coffee shop, library, or office space. A change of scene may be all you need to increase your productivity. Even moving from the dining room table to the couch can shake things up in a pinch.
- Do all your internet research in one go and disconnect before you write. The internet is a huge time suck. This trick will keep you from wasting what precious time you do have surfing the net, scrolling Twitter, clicking around on Facebook, or checking your email (every 5 seconds).
- Use TK to denote where you need to do some extra research or double check a fact. That way you can keep writing and take care of filling in those TKs once your writing session is over.
- Set aside specific times for social media and email. Make it a rule that you’ll only check social media and email before each meal, for example, or once in the morning and once before bed. That will keep you from mindlessly checking sporadically throughout the day.
- Download a program like Freedom or Antisocial. They’ll lock you out of the web and/or specific social media sites for a specified time so you have no choice but to buckle down and get some work done.
- Figure out when you’re most productive. That’s when you want to work on your toughest projects. Better to tackle those things when you’re at your best.
- Set a timer. Work nonstop for 15, 30, 45 minutes until it goes off and then give yourself a break. You’ll have a good chunk of time to concentrate on your current project followed by a built-in reward for all your hard work.
- Exercise and take naps. I know, I know, you’re already strapped for time. How on earth are you going to fit in a snooze and a trip to the gym? But you’ll be amazed at what a good workout and a few winks will do for your energy levels. And more energy means more juice to work on!
- Find some time for yourself. You need to recharge, and you can’t do that if you’re playing parent/partner/housekeeper/errand-runner/chauffeur/entrepreneur all the time. Employees get weekends and vacations. You need some time too.
- Outsource. Why do everything yourself when you can hire someone to do it for you? It may cost extra to have someone transcribe your interviews, organize your emails, build your website, do your bookkeeping and operate your social media presence, but the time you save by outsourcing will give you more time to work and search for higher paying clients and gigs.
- Hire some help. Buy yourself even more time by hiring a cleaning service, having your meals catered, shopping online and/or getting your groceries delivered. You can also cut corners by finding hairdressers, dentists and doctors who make house calls.
What About You?
In the end, it’s not about copying what I did or following every piece of advice out there; it’s about figuring out what works for you and your family. Experiment, talk it out, and do what’s right for you. The only must is to let go of the myth of the super parent. Once you do, you’ll find that it is possible to leave work behind and stay home with your kids.
How do you get work done while staying home with the kiddos? Have you been a victim of the work-at-home-supermom myth and how did you break free and take control of your situation? Let us know in the comments section below!
Kashif says
Very informative post laced with great tips that can be equally beneficial for us stay-at-home dads too 🙂
Tiffany Jansen says
Hi Kashif, thanks for chiming in! Good luck in using them to make life a little easier 🙂 Here’s to stay-at-home parents!!
Chris says
I currently straddle two jobs (full time office, and part time photographer) and I’m finding the balance very tough to achieve.
I also want to go full time self employed, but I’ve found when I do have a day at home with my daughter (born last year) I’m absolutely shattered by the end of it ha! It then makes me question if that indeed what I want or it’s more the idea that’s appealing to me? Do I really want to go full time, and look after her? And that question makes me feel guilty!
Difficult question to answer!
Tiffany Jansen says
Hi Chris,
I feel ya! There are days when I think it would be so nice to put her in daycare and go work in an office. Luckily she’ll be in school soon, so that kind of solves my dilemma for me a bit 🙂 The truth is, not everyone is cut out to be a full time parent. And some of us are actually better parents when we’re not doing it full time. Whichever you choose, there is absolutely NO REASON to feel guilty. 🙂
Tiare says
In brief, the answer is balance and realistic expectations. I have to constantly remind myself that I can have it all – the clean house, the smooth running business, the no-surprises-schedule, and so on. I just can’t have it all at once. And then I have to constantly remind myself to be OK with that, haha. I can’t realistically expect for everything to fall into place all of the time. Some days are better than others and our family seems to go in waves of having it all together and then being a bit of a mess. But I balance my short run view with the long run view and realize that, all in all, we’re doing good, kids. : )
Tiffany Jansen says
I love this, Tiare! You hit the nail right on the head
Jacquelyn Delcamp says
Hey Tiffany,
I am not a parent. Let me be clear about that ha. However, I still took a lot from the information you provided. I think that has been the biggest thing for me, finding people that are successful and learning it takes time, help and understanding.
I really liked the idea of completely all the internet research and THEN writing. Knowing me, it is easy to invest time in searching, reworking and then seeing my time disappear.
Congrats on big steps you’ve made and thanks for sharing your advice.
Best,
JD
Tiffany says
Hi JD! Glad it resonated for you and gave you some things to try. That’s what made all the advice I was getting so brilliant – anyone can use it 🙂 I ALWAYS get bogged down in interned research (and Facebooking and Tweeting and email checking
Beth says
Where was this article four months ago? It would have saved me tons of grief. I quit my job last September when my youngest started preschool. I thought it would be so easy to start a freelance career the four mornings he was in school. Like you, I’ve since had to readjust my expectations. I can’t have a full-time business with part-time hours (I also have about 15 hours/week free). So I’ve taken the pressure off, and designated this time as skills building and business building, taking on small do-able projects. I’ll ramp it up come September, when he’ll be in school full-time. And yes, I’ll also be hiring a house cleaner! Great article, thanks!
Tiffany says
Haha! I know, right? Well, at least you have it now, I guess
Sarah Li Cain says
wow, how timely! This is a concern of mine as I will be a parent with a full time job AND building the biz to get ready to quit. I have already lined some help. I have a feeling I might need more!
Tiffany says
I’m so glad! And good on you for being so on the ball. No shame in getting all the help you can
Digital Challenger says
Hi Tiffany,
Nice blog post, few tips will come in handy.
Regards,
Raghava
Marcin says
hi, very good post,
my friend working in house and take care od kidds, and I was soo suprised when saw her when she working 🙂
Regards
Andrea says
Thanks for all the tips .
Tiffany Jansen says
You’re welcome! Hope you find them useful
Kathy says
Great, great post. Been there, done that. And may I add something? It really doesn’t get easier when the kids are older. The challenges are just different. I worked from home when my kids were toddlers, then went back to full-time, not-from-home work. Eighteen months ago I returned to working from home and am still trying to figure out my “schedule.” My kids are 18 and 21; the oldest is away at college yet they still cause distractions to my work (shhh, don’t tell them I said that). And now, my parents are becoming more dependent on me. More challenges! Not complaining – just pointing out that every stage of parenting requires some fine-tuning.
Tiffany Jansen says
Thanks for adding that, Kathy – good point. Oh the things I have to look forward to 🙂 Funny how life works. Hope these tips help you figure things out!
Gina Horkey says
Great post Tiffany! Glad to see you persevere, ask for help and make adjustments to continue to strive towards your goal. Sounds like you’re rocking it, congrats!
Tiffany Jansen says
Thanks, Gina! One day at a time 🙂